Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.
Sunday, June 5, 2011 | 9:48 AM | 0 comments
Life brings tears, smiles and memories. The tears dry, the smiles fade, but the memories last forever.
I don't know anything at all. Right. You're right. I have never been good at expressing myself through words. You should know that by now. But, I will try to clear up everything. I don't hate you neither am I saying that you did something wrong. I didn't say that you don't remember the nice things. I know you do and I believe you. You can say it's not my fault but I believe it's my fault. Why? Because I chose to be influenced and I chose to do that shit with them.
Kay, maybe saying that you treat me like 'shit' is an over-statement. You treated me very well except for sometimes when you were quite cold. But still, you were nice to me. I admit. I'm sorry. For saying that... I know you love me, I love you very much too. I'm just confused, that's all. I didn't mean to be 'evil' or anything like that.
But for watching the movie thing, I have to stand up for myself for once. It's not because it's a 'movie' thats why I watched it. I know I can watch it any other day. Any other time. But, I just wanted to spend some time with my family by watching a short movie with them. It's not everyday I get to be with the whole of my family watching a movie together. I don't get to spend time with my dad alot so I thought this could be a chance for me. You are definitely more important than any movies to me okay?
I have to say, I am not one who apologises to people easily and I am not one who cries easily. It's because I care that's why. I care. I care about your feelings during our arguments I care alot. And that leads me to being scared. I am scared that I will screw up everything. I am scared that I use the wrong words and make things worse than what it already is. I am scared that I will hurt you again. I am scared that I will lose a friend again. I am tired of being the 'mean' and 'evil' one yet it keeps happening. And I don't even know I just hurt someone really badly. It's s freaking scary.
And yes, I know. I'm a fool. I'm a fool for not realising how my words can hurt someone so badly. I'm a fool for not realising how much people love me. I'm a fool. And I hate myself for being a fool. I really hate myself for being one...
Pinocchio,"Right and wrong? But how will I know?" The Blue Fairy,"Your conscience will tell you."
