I don't even know why there is this sudden surge of emotions in me right now. But all I know is that it feels horrible. Like all feelings mixed together. I can't even define how I feel. Lost might be the word. But what does it even mean. I feel so confused all of a sudden. Time continues to disappear and I have really no idea what next year's going to bring me. How is life going to be. It's all so blur and when I think about it, I just get... scared. I hate it when life gets complicated and hard. But without all these complications, what is life?

I know I should be happy. Be grateful. I mean, I have friends who care about me, a family who always stay by me and even well, money. I should be counting my own blessings. I have everything I can ever ask for. Life is supposed to be perfect, but why isn't it? Why does life still feel this lonely. Why is it not enough. Why do I feel like as if tomorrow will not be better than what it is today. I want my carefree childhood back. No limitations. I just want a break from all these stress. Trying to live up to other people's expectations. Wanting to be on the good side of people. I'm tired of trying. But I still do. Why.

And changing schools next year isn't a very comforting thing. It brings my life's complications to a whole new level man, seriously. Our friendship has became so fragile again. I hate it when that happens. It feels so insecure. Like as if I'm going to be all alone again. And thinking about it just makes me diffident.

I can't make promises. I can't tell you where I'll be tomorrow, let alone a year from now.When I first ran, I thought I'd be able to put everything behind me and start again, you know? I'd live my life and simply pretend that none of it ever happened. But how can I do that? You think you know me, but I'm not sure that even I know who I am anymore. And as much as you know about me,there's a lot you don't know. I'm saying all this because I do want to see you and it scares me because I know deep in my heart that you deserve someone better. You deserve someone you can count on. Like I said, there are things you don't know about me.

Oh and I'm not trying to curse myself or something but if I ever die, I want to die drowning. Water is the symbol of emotions I guess.

So many questions left unanswered, huh.
Life's screwed.
Bye.