I keep thinking about you, girl, 
you've made me forget my first love.
Even if you keep telling me to go,
I'm still going to tell you you’re my everything,
Cause I love you girl.
——Crash/ B.A.P

It's 12.01am now, it's so dark and secluded outside.
I don't know what's with this melancholic feeling inside of me but it feels like everything's washing over me. Today is the last day of the holidays but soon, the December holidays will be coming. Honestly, this holiday hasn't been the most productive one and it wasn't very delectable. Especially that day, I don't even want to remember it omg. Let me just rant about it a little. Please, I felt bad too okay, you don't need to rub it in and make me feel even worse. And stop comparing me to her. I hate it when you do. Whatever she is, whatever I am, we're different. I'm sorry if that disappointed you but I can never be like her. I've got enough of it. I try to voice out my opinions, my thoughts but my mind just blanks out. Funny right? How I can't act the way I am in front of you guys? Maybe you never realized it, or say I'm fake. Since when did things become this way even? Middle of Primary 4? It has been four bloody years. To feel so excluded every time. But it won't happen if you didn't ostracise me right? In your eyes, I've always been the vain, bad-mannered, stupid, proud, unrefined, barbarous, impudent etc, one. I know, and I always ignore it. Everytime you denigrate and vilify me, I just act like as if I've got no idea what you're talking about. I guess, this is what you call keeping a low-profile. You call me a mummy's girl. Fine, I try to be independent but you always overlook it. You criticize my every wrong-doing and yet, let all my efforts of wanting to reach your expectations go to vain. What caused it? It's freaking you. Sometimes, you act like you care but then you start berating my actions after. It confuses me. Are you purposely picking on me to make me feel bad or are you just venting your anger on me? She can joke with you and yet, you always put them in front of me. Are you shitting on me? Making my self-esteem go down, cause if you are, it's actually working. And don't even tell me you care, cause to me, that isn't the way. Showing bias-ness. Whatever the hell man. I can't even hold a decent conversation with you and what do you expect from me? Why do you always bend the truth so that it seems like as if it's my fault? I haven't even said anything and you just start your long lecture. I can't even be bothered to explain anything. Cause either ways, I'll still get your long scolding right? How about her? Should I be like her? To scream at every single thing so that I can win over you guys. Seriously, I'm not trying to bring her down but I really can't take it anymore. What do you want from me? I'm sorry I can't be the one you expect me to be. Whenever I cry, you say I'm asking me for pity. But really, it's just anger. Thats why I vowed never to shed a tear in front of you. I'm just asking for a little freedom, for a space to let me breathe. I feel so suffocated. I would rather go to school and be with my friends, at least I can be myself and not get criticised for it. Why is it that you all can be like that and I can't? You give me that excuse that she has been without her for a longer time as compared to me, so you give her more time and love. Wonderful. Then just leave me out. I really can't be bothered. You might as well just ignore me. Sometimes, I wished that would happen so you won't scold me for everything. You tell me what to do everytime, and just to make you satisfied, I listen, I obey. And yet, everything just turns out disastrous for me. This time, I'm gonna do things my way. No matter what, as long as I think it's right, I can't be bothered with you like you do with me.
That was longer than I thought it would have been. It's 12.45am. I really thought through every word.
x.