Each time you do this, you don't know but you are moving further away from me.


Do you still not know me? Do you still not know how much I love you? I really can't live without you, I just need you. Again, one more time, if you just give me one more chance. 


I know all I can say are the words "I don't want to lose you." Right now, you are saying the words, I really don't want to hear again. 


I don't know what to say. Why? Why all of a sudden? After my previous blog post? What did I say? Did I offend you? I'm reckless and I always talk crap, I know. Tell me what I did. Don't just walk away like that. Don't tell me it's your fault and not mine. Don't tell me you are selfish. Tell me why this is starting all over again. There's so much I want to say, but I don't know how. It's always happening again and again. From her to you. I have enough of this drama shit k. It's really tiring. If it's always going be this way, I would rather have no friends and just get my way through life.

I thought everything would be fine. That after all the shit we have been through, nothing will go to waste. At least, it's all worth it. But it seems like everything has to end this way? I continuously convince myself that everything would be fine. But you make it sound like as if I hate you. You make me sound like a cold-blooded animal who doesn't give a shit about other people's feelings. It's not your fault, I was the one who started all this crap. I was the one who caused our relationship to become this fragile. So fragile, that just a slip of tongue can just break us two apart. But I learnt. I learnt to be more aware about what other's feel. But it's just so bloody complicated.

I'm like just sitting in front of my computer. Thinking really hard about what I should say.I'm not as strong as what you might think or see. All the times I've cried, I could literally feel myself shaking with fear or even anger. I don't know. The fear of me being left behind, being forgotten, being out of place, being the evil one to break other people's heart, being unable to achieve anything with life, being alone. It's really scary. I guess I'll start believing in karma then. It's like all the people I've hurt have all came back to find me and haunt me.

It's not just with you or like any other friends I have. It's with my family too. I'm scared that I am unable to live up to their expectations. That all the time I've been working hard to do well in my studies, no one will care. I mean, what's the point of me studying? I just want my parents to be proud of me, to be satisfied with me. I am afraid of letting people down. I have my limits too. Sorry if I did anything wrong or said anything wrong in this blog post. I just needed some time to rant.

I think I'll just curl up in bed and rot. That's the best way to live life, I guess. Hopefully, waiting for my tears to run out.

Well, that was fun. :\

Somebody take me away, take me away. Cause I can't take this pain. It feels, it feels so right.

Bye.